This is Dream Date number 11.
I have this app on my phone now and it means that I don’t even have to go anywhere and I can just talk to people. And exchange photographs. And… I mean, just chat about the weather if I want. And I don’t really know anything about these people, except what they choose to fill in on their profiles. And they might not even be real. That’s the strangest thing. So I’m here in my kitchen doing mini-Turing tests… You know, just… asking for more photos and writing “Where are you based?” and “OK. Favourite George Eliot novel.” And suddenly your photo comes up with a message that says “Hey”. And I tap on your profile and you’ve written that you like Lisa Ekdahl, which is strange because I have never met anybody else who even knows who Lisa Ekdahl is… except for a friend of mine who’s into European music, and another friend who’s Swedish… And so I immediately write “Lisa Ekdahl. OMG. I love her!” And we start to chat about her and, in no time, I’m explaining that the only reason I know who she is is that I used to live in France and there was an advert on tv for her new album, which she made with her husband, and I bought the album because I was looking for more French language stuff to listen to and it was only months later that I realised that, not only is Lisa Ekdahl not French but she wasn’t even singing in French, she was singing in English and how had I not noticed that? It’s so embarrassing! And we are getting on so well at this point. You send crying with laughter emojis and write that we should go to Sweden together and see if she’s playing somewhere and I write: “YES!” in all caps with an exclamation mark. And then you send me your phone number and you say: “Do you want to speak on the phone?” And I block you. Which is an idiotic thing to do. I could just have written “Oh. No. I don’t think I’m ready for that” but I… And you’ll never know why I blocked you. And I’m way too embarrassed to unblock you and explain it. And we could have been perfect for each other.